What's happening to me????

Seriously thought a lot about friendship last night, probably that resulted in my dreams.... Dreamt about a few of my secondary school friends, friends that had gone through thick and thin with me. People like Nian Hua, Kai Zhong, Sheng Zhi, Jiunn Ming, etc.... Can't really figured out who's who during those dreams last night, but it all happened the same way. Was attending a gathering, or rather gatherings, and when the birthday cake for them appears, I would just quietly leave my presents, and leave quietly while the others are singing birthday song for them. It happened not just on 1 or 2, at least 3 or 4 occasions. The same thing keeps repeating and repeating for the 3 or 4 of them. It's not the same person, but the scenerios all almost the same each and every time. Why is that happening? Is it a signal that I have not been a popular figure, and that I have to leave any celebratory scenes before I spoil the happy atmosphere? Perhaps.... I really am not a worthy friend afterall....

Was watching this local movie starring Liu Qian Yi. It' a story about he being an insurance manager, taking care of group of agents. Though that's the case, he doesn't just sit there and wait for the so-call overwriting comm that he's getting from his agents. Instead, he goes round selling insurance, and settling his clients' claims with much efficiency. No wonder he's able to get to where he is. But alas, things don't go smooth for him, as for all of us. He suffered from Kidney failure as he didn't have the time to do a full body checkup for 3 years. Even though he's unwell, he still goes round doing his work, doing what he needs to. If only I'm half as good as him.... Anyway, during the times when he's unwell and in hospital, he learnt to be more caring, doing things to help others that's outside his scope and not asking for any rewards or returns, unlike before. There's this part that touches me most. His brother, who stayed with him for a year plus after being thrown out of his house, decided to donate his kidney to him. When Liu asked him why did he do that, he cooked up all sorts of excuses like, I've been drinking the milk that you bought for me for the past one year, you have been providing for me even though I am your agent that brings in more MCs than sales, etc.... When Liu asked him is it worthy for him to do that to him, to donate his kidney to him, the truth came out of his brother's mouth. 'Of course it's worth it, because you are my brother.' This sentence really send tears down my cheeks.... Usually, I'll just allow the tears to flow and wipe it away whenever I saw touching scenes. But today, the tears just flowed like nobody business and I buried my face in my towel. How come today is so different? Is the sentence really that strong to makes me much more emotional than usual? Or is it I've been suppressing myself for weeks that I just want to find an excuse to just let go of all the tears that's been waiting to erupt inside me all this time????

Went for my game at Braddell. We won 7-4, but we could have lost 1-4 or 0-4 instead. Reason being that we do not have enough players and managed to get 3 players who are training there earlier to play for us. If not for them, we could easily have been whacked jialat jialat. Part of the reason is me of course. Think I am at fault for all 3 goals conceded, amid the penalty that they scored. 1st is I didn't get back to cover the young striker where he's left with the easy task of beating our gk one-on-one. 2nd goal is I failed to head away the shot that comes in from an indirect freekick. 3rd goal is I failed to fall back fast enough to stop the winger from shooting. Not only that, playing as a left back, I failed to stop the opponents' right winger time and time again. Not once or twice, but at least a dozen times throughout the whole game. Guess what? The right winger is at least in his late 3o's or even 40's! And yet he can outpaced me! And I'm always proud of my pace! What the fuck! Guess I am not as fast and pacy as I once was. Guess I am really getting old....

我 为何要存在 为何要感慨
为何顫抖停 不下来
你 为何要推翻 为何要离开
为何给我这 个答案

我们曾经那么精采
我们曾经那么期待
最后你把回忆还我
要我好好过

你 话中的计算 准确的伤害
像精心打造 的对白
我 画开了动脈 也许不醒来
至少昨天无 法毀坏

我们曾经那么精采
我们曾经那么期待
最后你把回忆还我
要我好好过

我们最后这么遗憾
我们最后这么无关
时时刻刻每个现在
都在嘲笑我

我们曾经那么精采
我们曾经那么期待
最后你把回忆还我
要我好好过

我们最后这么遗憾
我们最后这么无关
时时刻刻每个现在
都在嘲笑我

我们曾经那么精采
我们曾经那么期待
最后你把回忆还我
要我好好过

我们最后这么遗憾
我们最后这么无关
时时刻刻每个现在
都在嘲笑我

都在嘲笑我